Am I Crazy? Navigating the "Sunday Scaries" of Faith Deconstruction

Doubt, Faith Deconstruction and Leaving the Church Behind

One of the most painful experiences for someone who has grown up in religion is the journey from questioning, doubting and deconstruction to finally leaving a church community.

The loneliness this might create is immense, because often we won’t have anyone to talk to about this – friends and family aren’t on the same road as us and maybe if they found out – they wouldn’t understand (at best), or would disown us entirely, if they knew.

Perhaps you’re somewhere on this journey today; questioning some things you’ve always been led to believe… maybe you’re trying another church again to see if something feels right this time… or maybe you’ve given it all up completely. If you looked back five, ten, twenty years, you never thought that you’d end up thinking about or actually leaving your church community - especially if you have been heavily involved in volunteering, or employed on the staff team of a church.

For those still in it, perhaps the feeling of waking up, travelling to and sitting in church on a Sunday morning could be likened to the same feeling many get on a Sunday night before the dread of Monday comes around:

The Sunday Scaries.

The feeling of being in a church community that is moving in the opposite direction from what you believe, the words coming out of your mouth that don’t resonate or suddenly feel so dissonant to your inner worldview.

Maybe you’ve been sticking around in church because the people you love are there – maybe even your spouse; what’s more – they don’t even know you’ve been having these thoughts and feelings.

I just don’t think I believe any of this anymore.

It started off with a non-issue – ‘Ah I’m not that sure this thing EXACTLY happened’… ‘the Bible was written in a totally different point in time – it wasn’t written with our understanding and context of contemporary relationships’ to ‘… actually now I’ve stopped believing in hell – I feel so much lighter… what else can I stop believing in to make me feel even more lighter’…

All these thoughts have been swirling inside you.

Now every time you hear that church leader, everything they say just bothers you and you can’t get these questions out of your mind.

I feel trapped and uncertain where this is all heading.

Panic fills your body, that anxious feeling on your chest… how are you going to explain to this person or that person or your partner that you’ve ended up here.

What’s more – how do you navigate the conversations and the journey ahead.

This might be some of what you’re going through right now, or it may be your story from years ago and the guilt still feels so suffocating.

If you’re volunteering, in high demand or on staff at a church, all of this experience can feel so much more amplified – there is no escape, not exit strategy – and if there is one, it feels so fantastical. The feeling of being trapped is multi-faceted because relationships, a way of being and not only that your livelihood in enmeshed in it all.

There is so much for me to untangle.

These are stories that I’ve heard many times from different angles, and not only that have experienced in ways myself. Many of us are still on the journey of moving forward, self-discovery and working out what we really believe.

Discovering your true self is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself. It’s so hard to do this in an environment like a [often high-control] church where there is an expectation and want for you to fit-in and agree with those around you. But, how can you really explore your own questions, doubts and beliefs if there feels like a constant voice in your mind telling you that you are wrong, guilty, a sinner.

If you’re reading this and you’re further forward than this – you’ve left, you’re done – but you need to connect and process, then I would love for you to reach out, we can explore what’s happening for you, at your own pace – no judgement, no rush.

If you’re not quite ready to get in touch, but would love something immediate, why not try a few strategies this Sunday…

1) Sit at the back (if you can!), give yourself some space and permission to take a different posture.

2) Write down how you’re feeling – somewhere private like your phone or a journal

3) Find something to do after church to decompress, take self-care, whether that’s exercise, your favourite (comfort) food – maybe even have a nap!

If you are ready and would like to get in touch, then it would be an honour to meet you. I offer a free 20 minute intro session for us to meet one another and for you to decide if working together is the right thing for you.

Book a free intro session