Am I Crazy? Navigating the "Sunday Scaries" of Faith Deconstruction

Doubt, Faith Deconstruction and Leaving the Church Behind

One of the most painful experiences for someone who has grown up in religion is the journey from questioning, doubting, and deconstructing to finally leaving a church community. The loneliness this creates can be immense. Often, we don’t have anyone to talk to about this. Friends and family may not be on the same road as us. If they found out, they might not understand (at best) or could disown us entirely.

The Journey of Questioning

Perhaps you’re somewhere on this journey today. You might be questioning beliefs you've held for years. Maybe you’re trying another church again to see if something feels right this time. Or perhaps you’ve given it all up completely. If you look back five, ten, or even twenty years, you might be surprised to find yourself contemplating leaving your church community—especially if you’ve been heavily involved in volunteering or employed on the staff team.

For those still in it, waking up, travelling to, and sitting in church on a Sunday morning can feel akin to the dread many experience on a Sunday night before Monday rolls around. We call this the Sunday Scaries. It’s that feeling of being in a church community that seems to move in the opposite direction from what you believe. The words coming out of your mouth may suddenly feel dissonant to your inner worldview.

The Weight of Expectations

Maybe you’ve stuck around in church because the people you love are there—perhaps even your spouse. What’s more, they don’t even know you’ve been having these thoughts and feelings.

I just don’t think I believe any of this anymore.

It all started with a non-issue. You might have thought, “I’m not that sure this thing exactly happened.” Then, you began to wonder about the context of the Bible. You might have thought, “The Bible was written in a different time; it wasn’t written with our understanding of contemporary relationships.” Eventually, you found yourself thinking, “I’ve stopped believing in hell, and I feel so much lighter. What else can I stop believing in to feel even more light?”

All these thoughts have been swirling inside you. Now, every time you hear that church leader, everything they say bothers you. You can’t shake these questions from your mind.

I feel trapped and uncertain about where this is all heading.

Panic fills your body, and you feel that anxious weight on your chest. How will you explain to this person or that person or your partner that you’ve ended up here? What’s more, how do you navigate the conversations and the journey ahead?

The Amplified Experience

This might resonate with what you’re going through right now, or it may echo your story from years ago, with guilt still feeling suffocating. If you’re volunteering, in high demand, or on staff at a church, this experience can feel even more amplified. There’s no escape, no exit strategy. If there is one, it feels fantastical. The feeling of being trapped is multi-faceted because your relationships, your way of being, and even your livelihood are all enmeshed in it.

There is so much for me to untangle.

These stories are ones I’ve heard many times from different angles. I’ve experienced them myself in various ways. Many of us are still on the journey of moving forward, self-discovery, and figuring out what we really believe.

Discovering Your True Self

Discovering your true self is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself. It’s incredibly challenging to do this in an environment like a [often high-control] church, where there’s an expectation for you to fit in and agree with those around you. But how can you truly explore your own questions, doubts, and beliefs when there’s a constant voice in your mind telling you that you’re wrong, guilty, or a sinner?

If you’re reading this and you’ve moved beyond this stage—you’ve left and feel done—but you still need to connect and process, I’d love for you to reach out. We can explore what’s happening for you at your own pace—no judgement, no rush.

Strategies for Self-Care

If you’re not quite ready to get in touch but would love something immediate, why not try a few strategies this Sunday?

1. Sit at the back (if you can!). Give yourself some space and permission to take a different posture.

2. Write down how you’re feeling—somewhere private, like your phone or a journal.

3. Find something to do after church to decompress. Engage in self-care, whether that’s exercise, enjoying your favourite comfort food, or maybe even taking a nap!

   
   

If you are ready and would like to get in touch, it would be an honour to meet you. I offer a free 20-minute intro session for us to connect and for you to decide if working together feels right for you.

Book a free intro session